


It was as though the oceans had disappeared

by yeahhomeswepimpin



Series: Jamie/Bones [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Female James T. Kirk, Major Character Undeath, Mentions of Death, post STID, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 09:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8157164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeahhomeswepimpin/pseuds/yeahhomeswepimpin
Summary: How Leonard McCoy dealt with Jamie Kirk's sacrifice to save the Enterprise





	

Leonard McCoy knew before he opened the body bag, he knew who was inside it. He could feel it in some part of his soul that it was her. That it was his Jamie, that some huge part of his life and the world had just disappeared. 

He would never see the deep ocean blue of her eyes again, or hear her laughter as he entered the bridge. He wouldn’t be woken by her singing loudly from the shower, or have to clear up after her when she attempted to cook.  
He would never get another chance to berate her for being injured or captured while on a mission. He would never get another chance to hold her or kiss her or tell her just how much he loved her. He would never get the chance to say goodbye, instead, that was stolen from him by the one person he loved most.

Leonard McCoy’s world stopped the minute that bag was brought into the med bay. He slumped into his chair at his desk, his head in his hands. How could he go on from this? How could he continue living when part of his heart had just been torn away?

A small purring broke him out of the spiral of darkness threatening to consume him. He looked up from his hands to see the tribble, the infernal creature he’d injected with that bastards blood, breathing. 

A spot of light breached the blackness that was coating his mind and for the first time since that bag had appeared, Leonard had hope.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Leonard stood by Jamie’s vital readout, checking it for the 12th time in the last minute. It had been weeks since they’d performed the blood transfusion. Weeks since Bones had seen any significant change from alive but unconscious, and as each day passed that glimmer of hope was slowly fading, because what use was Jamie breathing if she would never wake up.

He turned to check on Jamie to see if anything had changed. She looked just like she had since he’d put her in this bed, her face was peaceful aside from the bruising that still remained around her hairline. Her hair was spread out across the pillow framing her face making her look younger than Leonard had seen her in a long time. 

He was just about to turn back to check on her vitals again, when her eyes fluttered open. Leonard stood there in shock not sure whether he was having hallucinations brought on by sleep deprivation or if this was real.  
“Bones?” Jamie’s voice was hoarse from being intubated for weeks, they’d only removed it two days ago when she’d tried breathing on her own. 

Leonard moved then, it felt like everything was in slow motion, he walked over to stand at the head of the bed and checked her over. Checked her eye movements and other simple tasks to keep himself busy to keep himself from breaking down.

“Bones, where am I? What happened?” Jamie was obviously becoming distressed, so Leonard stopped checking and took a step backwards to look her in the eye. 

“You’re in the hospital.” He replied trying to keep his voice as even and as calm as possible. 

“But how? How am I here?” She looked at him, her eyes pleading with him, begging for him to explain, to tell her if this was real.

At that look all of Leonard’s resolve shattered, he couldn’t keep his emotions behind that wall of numbness anymore, they all came crashing through.

“You were dead Jamie, a stone cold, irradiated corpse and the first I knew of it was your body on a slab in the med bay” Leonard’s voice broke, and Jamie looked up at him staring, pleading for him to understand. She reached out to grab his hand but he moved away.

“Do you have any idea what that felt like? To see the person that you love more than anything lying there dead? I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye Jamie, you didn’t even give me a chance.” Leonard’s voice quivered with the emotion and tears that were beginning to spill out.

Tears were rolling down Jamie’s cheeks, and the rational part of Leonard, the doctor, knew that this was the worst time to say all this. She’d been in a coma and before that dead, she didn’t need this stress right now. But the human part of him, the lost little boy that had been in control since he’d found his Jamie, he needed this. 

“Bones,” Jamie tried again, this time, her voice was barely audible, “I had to do it, if I hadn’t the crew, everyone in the crash site, and you, you’d all have died. I couldn’t have coped if I had just let you die.” 

She reached across in another attempt to grab his hand, this time he allowed her. Jamie’s grip was weak but Leonard knew that she was putting every ounce of strength and feeling into it. 

“I stopped Scotty from calling you. I wanted to see you, I was scared and everything hurt and there was no one I wanted in that moment more than you. But I knew that if Scotty told you, that if you came down, there was nothing, no power in the universe that would have stopped you opening that door. You would have flooded the ship with radiation, just to hold me one last time Bones, and I couldn’t let you do that.” Jamie’s voice was so quiet and was so filled with guilt that Leonard couldn’t stay away.

He moved closer, gently moved her so she was on one side of the bed and climbed in with her. He pulled her against his chest. He began to speak “I wouldn’t..” but she cut him off “You would have Bones, I know you, I know you better than I know myself” 

Leonard just sighed, he raised one hand to stroke through Jamie’s hair, “I’m sorry, I’ve just been so scared” He whispered holding her as tightly as he dared. 

“It’s me who should be sorry Bones,” Jamie replied equally as soft “I love you.” 

Leonard smiled at that, the first smile he’d cracked in weeks. “I love you too, kid”


End file.
